because patience is a virtue

So, here I go, deciding I'm going to write here regularly and what happens? My graphics card on my computer goes out. I take it to be repaired only to find that my 6 year old computer (which is like 90 in computer years) won't even have the courtesy to boot up when I get there. The power supply went out somewhere between my desk and the customer service center. I get both the power supply and graphics card replaced. I bring it home and now my wifi won't connect.  My business relies on my ability to connect to the internet. This is no bueno (oh... Taco Bueno sounds good). After hours and hours on the phone with tech support and internet provider customer service, it is determined that my issue was caused by the service technician who worked on it the night before. He had snagged a wire and pulled it just so that it was not quite connected.

All of that fascinating story to get to this point...

I thought I was doing better.

I thought I was winning the battle of patience under pressure.

I thought wrong.

I wanted to physically throw something. I am AWESOME at hiding it and stuffing it and letting everyone believe that I'm totally rocking the moment, but the truth was, I was frustrated. I hate when something easy becomes something else, which leads to something else, which leads to additional runs to another city just so I can use the tool that was working fine just days ago.

Anyway, one thing I am realizing is that in all of it, any time I have a "flare up", I can stop and examine what the real issue is. Because "the issue is never the issue". I found that what I was really feeling in all of it wasn't a lack of patience at all, but a feeling of helplessness and being at the mercy of others. Ew. My heart can be so ugly. But, what I love is that Papa sees me in it and wants to heal that part of my heart that still acts like an orphan.

Because I know that Papa God is always willing to meet me in any emotion I feel, I can be real with him and let him have one more layer.

It's a beautiful life.