Ready or Not.

So the week is here... I'm talking just 4 more days (I don't count the day we have to show up at the hospital at 5 a.m. - That doesn't count as a full day to me.) Anyway, my big girl panties are wearing a little thin - and you all know I'm talking about my metaphorical panties, right? Not real panties... but I digress. I told Mr. Favorite today that I feel like I've been a good sport about some pretty big deal kinds of things lately and I've not complained or been irritable. I'm proud of myself. I think a lesser woman would have thrown a fit, but I'm staying true to my belief that sometimes the only thing I get to control is my response... and as my dear friend, K, shared a few weeks ago, we wives are either building our houses up or tearing them down. I choose to make my home a peaceful place. It certainly helps that none of it is Mr. Favorite's choice nor can he make any other arrangements on these things. It just feels like I've been such a good sport for so long and I'm growing a little weary. So, as we count down the next four days, be praying for me. Ask the Lord for grace as I get ready to welcome this sweet little one to my peaceful world. I love my sweet little life.

Do I?

Last week a dear family who is a part of the missions organization that I spent that year with back in my twenties experienced the loss of their 10 year old little girl. My heart breaks over and over when I think of it. Because of their involvement in so many nations all over the earth, the memorial service was streamed live over the internet. I watched as John & Jane spoke of their sweet, sweet Olivia and felt physical pain at the thought of their loss. Jane shared that in the moments at the hospital that her cry out to God was "I love your will. I love your will. I'm scared, Lord, but I love your will." That was my breaking point. I heard those words and felt the deep in those words. Those words don't come out of a passing acquaintance with God or a flirtation with his Son. Those words come out of deep, deep moments of true relationship with loving, gracious, faithful Father God and his Son who came to seek (yes, he looked for you) and save the lost. Even having experienced the loss of Joshua, my brother, when he was 11 was different than the thought of the loss of Big or Little. The loss of a child... the loss of a child. My parents know what that is... I cannot fathom. What I'm challenged in this moment by is still Jane's words... "I love your will." So, Lord, make that true of my heart. I trust you in it all - that in every moment, that I can lean into your faithfulness and trust that though I may be scared, that I may be frightened by what is in front of me - that I can trust that you are almighty and see the end from the beginning. My heart knows fully that I can trust. I can trust you. I can trust you... and I love your will.

Overheard Conversations.

Yesterday, as Mr. Favorite was feeding Big his breakfast, I was in another room but could hear Mr. Favorite talking to Big. It was very, very sweet.... and then I heard this:

Mr. Favorite: Ok, Big. There's another baby coming and when there are two babies, you're going to be my baby because you're easier.

I'm thinking that doesn't sound like too bad of a deal for me. Little won't be mobile for a long time and Big has taken to running at full speed. I'm honestly not just real sure that I could catch him even if I wasn't 17 days from delivering this next sweet baby boy. I am really looking forward to having Little in my arms. I thought I was ready for Big, but having almost 16 months of parenting experience behind me makes me all the more confident for Little's arrival. Truth is that it is the most precious experience I've had outside of my relationship with Jesus... and I believe they're actually connected. My relationship with my Savior has created a person who is capable of truly loving - and of exhibiting patience... Without the work God has done in my heart, I know I would be a lesser mom. Without being too prideful, I am actually proud of myself in this role. I believe what James 4:6 states - that God gives grace to the humble. I have many times found that humility on my part has opened the door for God to shower his grace - his ability to continue - on me. And, as I've mentioned before, my fave verse (right now anyway) is also in James... Where in the very beginning we're encouraged that if we don't know what we're doing (and really, who honestly does?) that we can ask God for help - and not only does he help, but he doesn't condescend to us for asking. How precious to have a Father God looking out for us - willing - willing - willing to help. Love that.