Do I?

Last week a dear family who is a part of the missions organization that I spent that year with back in my twenties experienced the loss of their 10 year old little girl. My heart breaks over and over when I think of it. Because of their involvement in so many nations all over the earth, the memorial service was streamed live over the internet. I watched as John & Jane spoke of their sweet, sweet Olivia and felt physical pain at the thought of their loss. Jane shared that in the moments at the hospital that her cry out to God was "I love your will. I love your will. I'm scared, Lord, but I love your will." That was my breaking point. I heard those words and felt the deep in those words. Those words don't come out of a passing acquaintance with God or a flirtation with his Son. Those words come out of deep, deep moments of true relationship with loving, gracious, faithful Father God and his Son who came to seek (yes, he looked for you) and save the lost. Even having experienced the loss of Joshua, my brother, when he was 11 was different than the thought of the loss of Big or Little. The loss of a child... the loss of a child. My parents know what that is... I cannot fathom. What I'm challenged in this moment by is still Jane's words... "I love your will." So, Lord, make that true of my heart. I trust you in it all - that in every moment, that I can lean into your faithfulness and trust that though I may be scared, that I may be frightened by what is in front of me - that I can trust that you are almighty and see the end from the beginning. My heart knows fully that I can trust. I can trust you. I can trust you... and I love your will.