a fresh start

I'm thinking again..........

I was introduced to someone recently and moments into our first conversation had all sorts of things to say. I'm so careful in all of my relationships and maybe too much so. I'm thinking of just taking this opportunity with this person I don't know, to be really honest from the get-go and tell her what I really think from the very beginning. She doesn't know that I usually walk on eggshells. I'm usually great about being honest about myself and transparent with whatever is going on with me, but I have become so bland lately. Wonder what it would be like to just say what I am thinking? Is it cruel to go into a new friendship as an experiment?

When A Prodigal Returns.

I've got something swimming around in my head lately and I'm not sure what I think. I've been thinking what our response is to be when a prodigal son (or daughter) returns home. I think about the parable and the response of the father, that even through the son's protesting, the father calls for the robe and ring. The father completely accepts the prodigal. Truth is, I struggle with this... I don't know how to receive a person who has run away to do their own thing, who now wants to return. My tendency is to want them to "pay" in some way - or at minimum, they wouldn't be invited to the front of the line... Anyway, I know that we're to forgive as many times as we're asked, too, but where do boundaries come in and how do we guard against abuse?

Your thoughts?

Now Hiring.

Author's Note: Just to be clear, this really isn't the desperate plea that I'm afraid it is going to sound like... And, I'm not looking to be set up, so don't.

I want a friend.

I know that Mr. Favorite is my closest and best friend, but I really would like to have a friend who is a girl. There are some things that I want to talk about that I know would be great fun to really hash out with another woman. I've found that I don't want just any friend, either. I think people would look at me and think I have lots of friends, and I do, but the relationship goes only so deep or they're really tied up and busy with lots of other stuff. I don't want to feel like I'm a burden or inconvenience. I think I'm also weary from overestimating my friendships.... Here's the truth: Seven years ago, I really wasn't worthy of being a friend. I was super self-absorbed and very selfish. I didn't know I wasn't friend-worthy until I was left out of a birthday party at which all of the girls I considered friends were in attendance. I was 26 or 27 years old and my feelings were hurt like I was in grade school. I sat at my desk and cried. I asked the Lord why I didn't have any friends and he showed me immediately that I had not acted like a friend. So for the last 7 years I have been working and working at being a better friend and a better person all around. I know that I'm a good friend now. I am kind and considerate and I care very deeply... It just seems that there is no friend for me.

Anyway, I read on someone's facebook wall-to-wall message that she had been talking to her mom and said, "I wish I had a friend like me" and I thought to myself that she said what I was thinking. I wish I had a friend like me.

It's Not Just A Game.

I would like to be the champion at Hide & Go Seek right now. I'd just like to skip the "Go Seek" part though and simply get to hide for a few minutes.

I'm Still In Jr. High.

Just so you know, part of the fun of blogging for me is coming up with titles that really cut right through the hooey and tell the truth... and then later make me wonder what topic the post actually contains.

Anyway... here is the scoop:

Sometimes I'm still afraid that if I do what I believe God wants me to do that I might end up being weird.

Now, the crazy thing in this is that EVERY time I've done what I know God has asked me to do, it has ended up being so great that I couldn't give a flying woohoo (different from hooey) what anyone thought because it really was exactly what I didn't even know I wanted.

So, I'm just wondering why I have to even wrestle with thoughts of what others think. It seems so silly in light of the overwhelming joy I know will come when I walk in the path He is laying out before me.

I Gamble A Little Bit Every Day.

I'm afraid this is only going to strengthen the suspicion that I've got issues about tissues (I totally just came up with that while I was typing and now I'm sitting here with a stupid grin on my face... It's the little things, folks...) Anyway... Back to my topic... I seriously HATE running out of toilet paper. I even did a tutorial here for you a while back in which I showed how easy it is to change the roll. But, today I'm here with a new issue. It is the issue of actually stocking the bathrooms with the stuff. I've got three bathrooms in my house. It is so nice, but one wouldn't believe how quickly a room empties itself of toilet paper. The guest bathroom has no storage - the sink is a pedestal sink and there is no cabinet over the toilet. So, Mr. Favorite and I bought a pretty little stainless toilet paper hider to put in the corner. The trouble with the pretty little toilet paper hider is that it not only hides toilet paper when it is in the container... it also hides its emptiness from me. I'm so afraid some day that I'm going to be the one who needs just a little more than what is left hanging on the roll on the wall and find that the pretty little toilet paper hider has hidden its emptiness from me and I'm stuck.

So there you have it... If you've been wondering how I am being the momma to two oh-so-sweet little boys under the age of 2... I'm still overly concerned about toilet paper. Who says you lose who you are when you have babies? :)

Just Right.

I love that my windows aren't perfectly clean anymore.

Wanted.

I just read a post from a blogger about a "surprise" baby (number 5 for them) and I'm struck with how precious it is to be wanted. I wanted my babies and I want more... and I hope that I communicate with them in some kind of daily manner that from before they were even conceived, that they were wanted and that my heart delights in them.

And, just because I haven't blogged in a long time, here are some pics to make up for it!