I Gamble A Little Bit Every Day.

I'm afraid this is only going to strengthen the suspicion that I've got issues about tissues (I totally just came up with that while I was typing and now I'm sitting here with a stupid grin on my face... It's the little things, folks...) Anyway... Back to my topic... I seriously HATE running out of toilet paper. I even did a tutorial here for you a while back in which I showed how easy it is to change the roll. But, today I'm here with a new issue. It is the issue of actually stocking the bathrooms with the stuff. I've got three bathrooms in my house. It is so nice, but one wouldn't believe how quickly a room empties itself of toilet paper. The guest bathroom has no storage - the sink is a pedestal sink and there is no cabinet over the toilet. So, Mr. Favorite and I bought a pretty little stainless toilet paper hider to put in the corner. The trouble with the pretty little toilet paper hider is that it not only hides toilet paper when it is in the container... it also hides its emptiness from me. I'm so afraid some day that I'm going to be the one who needs just a little more than what is left hanging on the roll on the wall and find that the pretty little toilet paper hider has hidden its emptiness from me and I'm stuck.

So there you have it... If you've been wondering how I am being the momma to two oh-so-sweet little boys under the age of 2... I'm still overly concerned about toilet paper. Who says you lose who you are when you have babies? :)

Everybody's Doing It.

Ok, so over the weekend we got another bill for Little's birth. This coming after we'd paid our part and received the invoice showing we'd paid in full and had a zero balance. Well, I don't know why (except that it is Christmas and I just had to pay for a root canal), but talking to the very short, almost rude customer service agent, was enough to be the catalyst for tears. It was funny to me, though, because I had called when both boys were asleep and by the time I was finished, both boys had awakened and were crying.... and then I cried. It made me laugh because everybody in my house was crying... Mr. Favorite was probably really glad he was at work. :)

No Way!

I just saw a name for a baby I've never heard before...

Wae. That's it.

Wae.

I am just thinking how funny it will be when this baby is just a little older and about to touch something she shouldn't. It goes like this: "Wae... No, Wae.... Wae! No, Wae!!!

Sounds like a scene from either Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure or Wayne's World.

Either way, that baby girl better grow into a pretty little girl and from there into a hottie... otherwise this journey may be painful. Way.

Early Lessons Learned.

Last night we were sitting in our front yard enjoying the almost tolerable weather when we heard the strained sounds of a toddler vehicle...Big watched as the two (very cute) little girls just drove right on by...When the driver (the blond chick) turned around to go back, Big was still mesmerized and only after they had passed began to wave and try to be friends...Breaking his momma's heart at how badly he was trying to be friendly as they just coldly drove away...It appears he then realizes how futile the efforts of chasing down hot chicks in pink jeeps are...
Only to have them come back again...And, again he is mesmerized...This time, on her way back, she is especially cruel and stops right in front of our house...And then leaves him there again...His momma is going to have to grow thicker skin by the time this kind of treatment from girls really happens. My heart was so sad watching him try so hard to be friendly to those girls as they snubbed him. (I should note that I'm fully congnizant of the fact that I'm over-judging this situation, but it certainly made me realize that I'm not going to like it one bit when some chick breaks my boy's heart... Lordamercy!)

Follow Up.

For those of you who were concerned for me and about to plan an intervention because of the state of my house... You can chill. I've cleaned my kitchen and put a new roll of toilet paper on the holder. Just so you know, I thought I was funny... and I sure thought I would get comments... But maybe you refrained from commenting because you didn't want to encourage my behavior. :)

Confession.

Here's the ugly truth...

In the last week or so, I've had several things I've thought to blog about, but given just a minute to think it through I realized that it probably is best that I don't post my honest thoughts. A wise teacher once gave me a bit of wisdom that has stuck with me through all of my years of adolescent journaling and now in my blog days it is relevant again: Don't write down anything you wouldn't want the whole world to see. Well, it wasn't as much of a threat that the world would see my little journals, but posting things on the Internet makes the whole world accessible (even though I have only 14 followers, I know there are at least two more readers out there). Anyway... what I've thought to blog about didn't need to be out there for just every reader, so I'm being censored - by myself.

So, today I have some confessions of the not-so-it-might-get-me-in-trouble kind...

I'm avoiding.

I'm avoiding design projects for people who don't know what they want... just want to jazz things up a little... I need more from you, please! Like something in the not so abstract kind of direction...

I'm avoiding cleaning my kitchen (and should also confess that my cleaning lady was just here Friday and it was spotless. Why can't I keep my kitchen picked up for 48 hours??)I'm avoiding folding and putting away laundry. (I mean really?! How does this stuff accumulate like this?!)And, remember that tutorial I did for you a week or so ago? Here's the truth about the progress in my own home. I thought I'd just see what would happen when I didn't step up. :)I wouldn't say there was absolutely NO progress on this, though... look, we're getting closer:
So, instead of doing those things that needed to be done around my house, I've taken more photographs of toilet paper and toilet paper rolls. I'm just thinking in the amount of time I've given to writing and illustrating this blog, I could have at least loaded the dishwasher. But where is the fun in that?!?

Tutorial Tuesday

I've noticed that there is a need for training in an area and I thought I'd offer a quick and easy tutorial on something I think at least half of my 13 blog followers can appreciate - maybe even more. Anyway, here goes with my first Tutorial Tuesday:

How To Change An Empty Toilet Paper Roll
1. Recognize that the roll is in fact completely empty.
2. Push lightly against the roll holder to release it.
3. Allow the empty roll to slide into the trash (or recycle in some earth-friendly way. Really the point here is to get rid of it. Let your conscience be your guide.)
4. Slide the new, fully-loaded, and oh-so-bountiful roll onto the holder.
5. Locate the empty wall holder. It's been at least ten seconds since you last paid any attention to this part of the holder. You may need to take this slowly and appreciate that it is still right where you left it.
6. Push one end of the holder into the little slot.
7. Secure the other end of the roll holder into the holder attached to the wall.
See!? Now, doesn't that feel good?

The truth is that it doesn't bother me that much, but I have run into a streak of empty TP rolls lately... at my church and even today at the place where I got a pedicure. I just think it is funny and wonder if there isn't some God-lesson in this for me. Is this a ministry that I have to help others? It's just so stinkin' ironic that nearly everywhere I go, that this is an issue. We have three bathrooms at my house and it rarely fails that I happen to be the one who manages to show up just as the roll needs changing... no matter which room I choose. Anyway... any requests for next week's Tutorial Tuesday? I'm thinking this could be funny!

Where There's A Need.

Just came across a website offering cards for moms to send to other moms when kids do what kids do.I'm hoping (hoping, hoping, hoping) that I don't need a set of these. :)

And It Became a Blog Post

I was responding to my friend, Mel's, blog when I realized I had just about typed enough for a respectable post. I didn't think I wanted to share this oh-so-disgusting story, but since I've been a major blog-slacker lately, I thought anything was better than nothing... So here is my response to her post in it's original form...

I was just about to blog about the "pet" frog who had taken up residence in our newly-landscaped front yard. He would be out on our porch every evening. He was huge.

Well, Mr. & I got home from Mom and Dad's one night and I said to Mr., "Wonder where Frog is?" and looked over just in time to see the back half of a frog squished and his little head bobbed up and down in complete agony. In my very prego state, I thought I was going to lose it. I'm feeling sick to my stomach just typing this out. Well, I obviously don't want to blog about the almost pet we had before I ran over his back half. I can't get the image of his little head bobbing up and down... Oh, and Mr., when he went to get the shovel to get the frog off my driveway, thwacked him in the head twice to put him out of his misery. I was so disturbed. I know that was a merciful thing to do, but I was thinking that maybe Mr. could have waited until the frog was over in the field rather than further squishing him on my driveway. Ew.

Anyway, point is here that I don't think we're a good match for random pets either. I maintain my cat because he really doesn't need me.

My Arms are Fat, Too.

I knew I had you with that title. I've been thinking about writing a post about this for a while and I would always smile to myself (like the crazy woman I believe we all know) when I thought of that title. You see, I'm not a wispy, petite little thing. I don't mind it so much, I'm really pretty comfortable with who I am, but lately - and maybe it is pregnancy-hormone induced - I would really like to have two, maybe three, tops that are not long sleeved or three-quarter length sleeved (Is that really too much to ask?). The problem is not just that I'm a plus-size... or that I'm pregnant... It is that some mean-spirited person keeps putting out clothes for us that are missing sleeves. I imagine a little whippet of a person sitting at a crafty drawing table just laughing at how ridiculous our poochy arms are going to look puffing out of those shoulder holes. Now, I wear clothes for more than just modesty's sake. I put on clothes every day for the sake of covering the parts of me that are most suitable for a run on a reality tv show we all love to watch while eating ice cream out of the carton while sitting on our couch. The thing is - when they forget the sleeves, they are leaving a part of me uncovered that desperately does not want to share its true state with the world. I'm just saying... I don't think anyone wants that.

Mother's Day Weekend

So (do I start every one of my blog posts with, "So,"?) This was a fun weekend for me. In spite of my social issues, I made myself go to a long-time friend's graduation party. I'm such a weenie about going places where I don't know anyone, but this friend has repeatedly invited me over the years to different things and so I made myself go. I really am impressed with her for completing this goal. Yea, Mel! Ok... so for the part that feeds my social anxieties: I was the very first to show up at this stranger's (even if she did turn out to be very sweet) home. I stood on the porch for what seemed to be a very long time. I kept saying, "Hello?" in my most non-threatening voice I could manage, but still... nothing. After a while I could see someone in the backyard, but since I didn't know for sure I was at the right place or whose home this was, I couldn't just go in. I just stood there waiting until finally Mel's sister drove up. Yea for blog pics so that I would be sure to recognize Mel's sister. Anyway, it turned out to be a great time. I'm genuinely jealous of Mel and the friends with whom she's surrounded herself. They were all so warm and welcoming. How does one re-create that? Here's a pic of me and Mel - carefully cropped. :)

Now, after just a while at Mel's party, I left to go see my mom and some other friends complete the Full Moon Run. I told my mom that it always makes me feel emotional - like I'm fighting tears - because I'm so proud of her and frankly all these people who go out and run like this. Standing there, I kept thinking that I want to CHANGE so that Little One and Little Too grow up with a different attitude about being active and food. Yesterday's message at church was not about this at all, but you know sometimes God speaks into our hearts what we need to hear. I heard that what I model and display for my kids is what they're going to mimic. If I want children who are healthy, I'm going to have to display something entirely different. I feel like God says it isn't too late.
Here I am with Mom and Dad.
And, here I am with A. A is a dear friend who I count as sister.
And, here's the whole group. The lady in purple, standing next to my mom on the far left, just started running last week - actually only ran two times - and then ran this race. SO impressive to me. The hot blonde chick in white (center right) beat my pastor's race time, so it is ON. There was some talk about that info sneaking into the announcements yesterday at church. :)
And all that was just Saturday night!
Here begins my first Mothers Day morning (I love it that he has his little knees drawn up under him so that his bottom sticks up):
And the first thing that happens every morning - the sweetest moments of my day:
Then, Mr. Favorite came in the room and asked if I wanted my Mothers Day gift right then. Of course! It was so sweet. Mr. Favorite started a video of Little One in just his diaper sitting in our whirlpool tub. While I was gone to all my Saturday night activities, they had a big time creating something special for me. The video shows a blank canvas and then for the next 10 minutes, there's the sweetest little boy and four tubs of finger paint creating a Mothers Day gift. He ate only a little bit of the paint. :) Here's Little One with his creation:And a closer photo:
And lastly, crack me up if my mom didn't have a card for me that totally proved my last little post I Watch Entirely Too Much TV! The card has a little girl on the front who is wearing underwear on her head. The first line of my mom's note to me references the movie Raising Arizona when Nick Cage's character goes in a store to steal diapers and is using pantyhose on his head for a disguise. The man behind the counter says, "Son, you got a panty on your head." We thought this line was so stinkin' funny and it - believe it or not - actually does come up occasionally in conversation! I'm cracking up because I know my mom hasn't seen my post and here she's proven my point!

I Watch Entirely Too Much TV.

In the 5th grade, I was happily singing theme songs from TV, when my teacher said to me, "You watch entirely too much TV." I thought it was funny and that line has stuck with me ever since. Even last Wednesday night at church, there was a point in which I found myself thinking "I watch entirely too much TV". From where I was standing, I could see a gentleman who was wearing shorts and flip-flops (I go to a great, very casual church) and all I could think about was the recent episode of The Office in which Angela was grossed out by Oscar wearing sandals to work on casual Friday. I'm pretty sure I should have put forth more effort to concentrate on something else, but it was amusing to me, so I didn't really try.

Turns out my mom also watches entirely too much TV. We have over the years accumulated one-liners from movies, shows, etc. that lend much humor to our daily journey. For instance, at a place and time when I should have been much more reverent, I noticed that someone who was standing suddenly wasn't. And, instead of immediate concern, all I could think of was how funny it would be to text my mom "We have a piper down" from the movie So I Married An Axe Murderer. (I went to YouTube to put the clip here, but there's all sorts of stuff in the clip that I forgot and well, isn't suitable for my audience - just saying.) There's also the line, "A date?! Is she pretty? Is she prettier than me?!" from a program we saw when I was maybe 8 or 9 years old. That show also had a line "Is that a big enough piece of cake or what?!" which we use frequently and interchange "cake" with whatever we find to be much too large for the current situation (hair - especially bangs, etc.) Just one more - In a stand-up comedienne's monologue she talks about staying at a hotel where after requesting shampoo from the front desk, the staff member showed up at her door with handfuls of lotion and explained, "We're out of shampoo." The comedienne says, "Can't you see that no matter how many lotions you bring to me, they're still not shampoo" and later when she's out with friends, and they're commenting on how yucky her hair is, she responds, "But, feel my hands!" So, we use this one a lot too when we've asked for one specific thing and whoever was supposed to get it ended up with something else. . . .

What I'm saying is that this trouble-ticket my 5th grade teacher tried to file turns out to be one of my favorite aspects - and frankly a very entertaining part - of my relationship with my mom.

So, Happy Mother's Day. I hope you have something funny to share with your mom, too.

Bad News. Bad News.

Here's a little funny for you. Just before Little One was born (read: I was huge!), I wanted to walk out to get my mail. The weather that day was warm, but we'd had some brief showers (June) so the driveway was just slightly wet. At that time in my pregnancy, I was especially conscious of my issues with balance. Anyway, I was just stepping onto the wet driveway when my feet started slipping. Out of my mouth came, "Bad news, bad news." Now I have no idea where that came from, but I have to say that knowing how much I liked to use bad words in the past, I was surprised that there wasn't something a little offensive shooting out of my mouth. But, here's the lesson in it all. Something about this experience made me happy. I grew up knowing the scripture Matthew 12:34 "For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks." So, even when my brain didn't have time to think through and choose not to curse, my heart was clean and therefore instead of spewing out some bad word from the list of bad words I used to use all the time, the words coming out of my mouth would not have offended anyone... Though I'm afraid it did make me feel a little Rain Man-ish.

Text-guessing.

I've come to really appreciate texting... It seems to be a great way to have short little conversations without bothering people too much. One thing about my phone that has been really entertaining is the way it guesses what I'm trying to text. I actually like this feature, but sometimes what it guesses isn't quite what I mean to say. One of the first times this happened was after a dentist visit when I was supposed to let my mom know when to come back to the office to get me. I was trying to text, "I am finished" but instead it guessed, "I am dignified". I thought my mom would think that the laughing gas at the dentist's had really gotten to me. Well, today I had one that really made me laugh. I was trying to text a friend a message: "I need a favor. Will you call me sometime?" and I missed the m in sometime, so the phone guessed, "I need a favor. Will you call me rodger?" I had to laugh out loud at it. Do me a favor: don't call me Rodger.