I'll Take It.

Ok. So this has been a sad few days...

Friday night after leaving here, my mom and dad went home and - as is their usual - drove onto their property and went toward the barn to put our dog, Boomer - a very large black lab - up for the night... As they were coming around, two rabbits followed by a very focused Boomer ran in front of their car. Boomer took a direct hit and rolled under their small SUV. Boomer ran off and my dad searched for him for a very long time before calling Mr. Favorite and asking him to come help look for Boom (we live about 20 minutes away). Big had already gone to bed (it was around 10 p.m.), but I wanted to go, too, so I got the poor, sleepy boy back out of bed and we went to Mom and Dad's. It took them a while, but they did find him and were able to get him to the barn. Boomer had no external injuries and was able to walk slowly. I was so relieved they had found him... Just before we left that night, I just bent down and stroked his head for just a minute. I wanted that moment.

Saturday, Dad and Mom tried giving him water and he was not able to keep it down, so Dad took him to see our good friend and veterinarian. They came back home with the news there were no broken bones. Well... Sunday sometime, Boomer went and laid in the shaded mud near the pond and was not interested in moving. Mom was increasingly worried about him and so Monday when he still hadn't moved much, she asked Dad to take him back to see the vet. When Dad got home to get Boomer, he had moved from the pond to the neighbor's barn and had died just minutes before. I was so sad. I still am. He was so stinkin' good to us and protective of Big. He was just a good ol' dog. Dad called Mr. Fave to ask him to tell me when he got home and we went out there to help bury him. It makes total sense, but I was just surprised that it surprised me how lifeless he was. That seems silly to say, but he seemed so much smaller to me.

The point to my title is that yes, it sucks to hurt. It sucks to be sad - and especially over a dog, but I have come to the place in my life and in my understanding, that I would rather love and enjoy life and the things that come with it in spite of knowing there's a chance that there would be hurt attached, than to not let myself be vulnerable to it in the first place. It is weird, but I can remember telling Mr. Favorite at one time that I knew someday Boomer would die and I was sad about it then. Now, here I am several years later sitting at my desk crying over that same dog... but despite that it sucks right now and that tears flow and block vision while I'm trying to type... I will take it... because I know that I can't live life avoiding hurt.