Something is on my mind and I thought it might be worth hashing it out here.
Of my grandparents, I have only my grandmothers remaining alive. One is being cared for in a nursing home as she is living with advanced Alzheimer's disease. As sad as it is, my heart doesn't hurt over her because she is as happy as can be. She doesn't realize what's going on around her and just seems so pleased with everything. She's become sweeter and sweeter with the progression of her disease. I just don't worry about her. I said goodbye to her long ago when she still knew who I was.
The other grandmother is sharp as a tack mentally, but has been living in her own home with a Parkinson's diagnosis for 16 years. People with that diagnosis do well to live 11 years with it. She's done well... and now she's not doing well at all. I think what is so unsettling to me is that I know with all her will she wants to be independent, but that is not her story right now. She casually mentioned in a recent phone conversation that she had driven over to my aunt's and found that she was not able to command her legs to move anymore. This happens often, but she's never let it be known that it happens while she is driving. I had honestly not ever thought about it... like the issues she had were magically cured being behind the wheel... This is not good. I immediately realized that she could be driving along and need to brake, but her legs not obey her mental commands. I'm scared. I didn't realize that the friend she had who was supposed to be checking on her had now just gone ahead and moved in because she cannot be alone, but even that is not enough now. It breaks my heart because mentally, she is so sharp. She has always been a strong woman (read: strong-willed woman), but it has become a matter of safety to herself and others that she have additional levels of care.
As I followed rabbit trails through the internet trying to research options for my grandma, I kept seeing pitiful pictures of elderly people. One in particular caught my attention and as I stared at her image, as I looked at her clear, blue eyes, I couldn't help feeling like I was hearing the younger version of her telling me, "I was young once".
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1 comment:
This was really beautiful, Kelly. Something about it just touched my heart. The only grandparents I have still alive are my mother's parents, and they are both still in very good health. It is amazing to think of our children and how precious and beautiful they are to us, and I pray that when they are old some day they will still be precious and beautiful to someone else.
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