Seventeen Years.

Tomorrow marks the 17th anniversary of my brother, Joshua's death. Some years it hasn't bothered me much and some years it has. This year is on the line. I think the reason is not so much that I miss the little brother that I had, but I miss the brother that never got to grow up - that never got to be Little One's uncle - that never got to get married and have babies of his own so that I could be the best aunt ever. It's the now that I miss him in the most. I don't hurt over the loss of the 11 - and just days shy of 12 - year-old-boy. I miss the man that he would have been. I hate that Mr. Favorite never got to know him. I'm certain they would have enjoyed being friends.

Josh was SO good at being friends with everyone. I remember hearing that one of the boys that Josh had befriended in the last couple years of his life once said that Josh was his best friend. And years later when that (by that time) young man was asked if he was Josh's best friend, he said no - that Josh had other best friends, but to that little boy, Josh was his best friend.

Josh was a good little brother and I was too cool to be nice to him (I was 15 when he died.), but God gave me a gift just a week or two before he died. We were at church and I passed him in the hallway (there by the nursery for those of you who know my church) and he was, as always, his happy little self. I remember just stopping and telling him that I loved him. He looked at me, smiled, and said I love you, too. If I had not had that moment, I'm sure I would have been overcome with feelings of guilt about the ornery things sisters do and say. So, thank you, Lord, for that moment in the hallway where you gave me the chance to say what I needed to say before he was gone.

It's been a long time since I've cried about Josh... but just as I write, I'm feeling the awareness of loss again - throat swelling, tears burning my cheeks - and am grateful for a life full of feeling - that I'm not numb to the great gifts I've lived to experience.

Now, Josh wasn't a perfect kid... but seventeen years later I can't remember why.

Gotta Love Free.

Or, this post could have been named - Shameless. You see, there's this oh-so-cool photography site and they're giving away some very fun textures to the first 50 people who link to them - so here it is: http://www.tofurious.com/ I've done my part... let's see what it gets me.

Healthful Choices.

I'm just wondering...


Is it still "Healthy Choice" if after eating one, I wanted another?


And here's the reason Little One still eats his organic baby food and I haven't started him on food from the table - we continue to make poor choices.
It's just not pretty.

A Sunny Sunday Afternoon.

Today I got to spend some time with O & T, a couple whose wedding I shot a few weeks ago. I've been wanting to add more outdoor bridal shots to my portfolio, so I asked them if they'd be willing to get all dressed up again. They were both such good sports... Speaking of sports... O is a very talented baseball player and is leaving for spring training soon. I thought it would be fun for some of their pics to include his baseball uniform from college - even though he's on to bigger and better... What do you think?

Paparazzi.

Little One was supposed to be getting his pajamas on when I snapped a few shots of his little self in just a diaper and socks. He gave me a couple poses that looked like paparazzi shots I've seen.

Such Wisdom.

"You cannot legislate the poor into freedom by legislating the wealthy out of freedom. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that my dear friend, is about the end of any nation.You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it."
~~ The late Dr. Adrian Rogers, 1931-2005

Bad News. Bad News.

Here's a little funny for you. Just before Little One was born (read: I was huge!), I wanted to walk out to get my mail. The weather that day was warm, but we'd had some brief showers (June) so the driveway was just slightly wet. At that time in my pregnancy, I was especially conscious of my issues with balance. Anyway, I was just stepping onto the wet driveway when my feet started slipping. Out of my mouth came, "Bad news, bad news." Now I have no idea where that came from, but I have to say that knowing how much I liked to use bad words in the past, I was surprised that there wasn't something a little offensive shooting out of my mouth. But, here's the lesson in it all. Something about this experience made me happy. I grew up knowing the scripture Matthew 12:34 "For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks." So, even when my brain didn't have time to think through and choose not to curse, my heart was clean and therefore instead of spewing out some bad word from the list of bad words I used to use all the time, the words coming out of my mouth would not have offended anyone... Though I'm afraid it did make me feel a little Rain Man-ish.